CoL Update (Term 3, Week 8)

As a class we have been really focusing on writing and what good writers do, explaining and modelling the planning stage, how to write good introductions for recounts, and how to check your work after you have written as well.

Here are some samples of the students writing that I AM SO PROUD OF! 

Paul - Remember that Paul is an ESOL student who has been in New Zealand for little over 1 calendar year. These stories he writes by himself either by typing, or using voice typing. He learnt how to voice type from Kian who uses it 100% of the time.

Paul's recount about the museum - 
On Wednesday 12th of September 2018 room 5, 6, 7 and 8 from Tamaki Primary School went to the museum. We went to the museum because we learn about natural disasters.

First we did the roll and Miss Ashley say to us “choose your own groups”. Then we went to the hall and Mrs Fepuleai told us if there's something inside you're not allowed to touch and keep your feet mouth and hands to yourself .

Then we went to the bus. When we were at the museum we have morning tea then we went inside then we put our bag away back away. The man come and told us the rules.

Then we went to the volcano room and we saw some volcano rocks. Then we went to a room and we watch a video. The room was shaking then the light was going off. It was noisy because the children was in there screaming and we just stay at the volcano room. Then we went back in the elevator and we had lunch and played games and we went to the bus and we came back to Tamaki Primary at 1.30. We arrived at 2pm.

Paul's recount about Tongan language week- 
“Yay! It’s wednesday 5th of september 2018, it’s tongan language week I think it’s gonna be the best day ever because this my first time in my life playing, Tongan games.

Tolo pato
The game that i played was the Tolo pato the goal that i have to do is to dodge the ball, if you get hit from the ball im out if i'm out  i have to until the game finish. When i played this game i was playing with my friend Havea and Leon
“I asked Havea what game is this”
“Havea said it’s dodgeball”
When i was playing i was so confused because their were to side were the three taggers.

Fusi Maea
It is just like tiger war The game works you get to team the other team is going to be your rivals.We had a countdown from 3 2 1 they started pulling it was Dyzon, George and me in one team and lopi, sonny and saia.It was almost a draw and the rope was so stretching that it felt like we were pulling someone body apart.

Kian - for context, Kian uses voice typing to record his ideas. He is incredibly slow at typing and hand writing so he gets frustrated and/or takes so long to record one idea he has forgotten the rest of his story by then. Using voice typing has afforded him to write ALL his ideas down. Instead of writing 1 sentence of his own ideas, he can write 1 page. I highly recommend voice typing, particularly for building confidence in writing.
Voice typing is amazing, however we are still working on editing the writing after he has voice typed it. Sometimes it has recorded a wrong word and sometimes he talks so fast it misses words out.

Kian's recount about making a tent at school -

I told Paula to push the metal pole into the hole and he did it and then I did the next one and then we put up the tent. We were almost done and then we put that cover over and we pigs on it and then put the blue pollen and then we finished that one. When you finish putting up the tent we then the tent with only box and Mr rusty right about what we did and how we put it up. I did most of the tent because everyone else was playing inside the tent and me Paula and Isaiah were doing the tent as I help me put the poles in and Paula we put over the second half of the tent. I like putting up the tent because it's a really good thing cuz you are learning how to put up a tent and other people are showing you how to put up a tent. I break into because it's fun and it's really good cuz other people can learn how to make a tent. I did the most stuff on the team because everyone else was playing in the tent and me and Isaia we're doing the most work.

Kian's Tongan language week recount -

On Wednesday the 5th of September we did Tongan gamesAnd this is at Tamaki Primary School I was in the tug of war and I lost but in the next round I won and then I went to the next game which is called the sack race and I came second and then I didn't play anymore games and I just went on the Park.

Ryan - Ryan doesn't usually write about what everybody else is writing about, even if it is a recount about something we all just experienced together. I am happy for him to write about whatever he wants, as long as he writes something. When he writes, he usually listens to music as he claims this helps him concentrate. I have tried many times to get him to write without the music, and it just does not happen. So, music it is. I would rather he listened to music and did some work, then didn't listen to music and did nothing.

Ryan's story - The true heart

On 4 april on a tuesday 2007 i slowly walked to the bakery for a tea when suddenly saw a bright light across my table, a beautiful women with a hat, a book and a star shaped phone, i was shy to go over and talk to her but i was in barasat to do it.

I was just rubbing my eyes then she disappeared in the distance away. When i stood up i ran over to that table and she literally left her book there.

I lift up the book and there was her phone, i was wondering where she has went.

I pressed a button and a alarm went off so iv checked what itis.

She was going to the subway to catch a train, i ran and ran and ran and saw that bright light again so i looked around but there she is,

Just walked to her and gave her book and and phone then she looked up and said

“Your the guy that was across my table at the bakery”

“yes it's me” i replied to her

“so you have chased me this whole time, that's sweet, thanks.”

I had to say something to you, when i first saw your blue eyes you felt special to me, you shine like a thousand sapphires in the sky. Your like a diamond on my hand and there's one thing missing,

(i love you)

She hugs me and gives me a fast kiss before she hopped on the train.

...The end...

Overall comments
Can we just appreciate how good all 3 of their introductions are? I taught them that a good introduction should have what, who, when, where, why and how. If you go back and look at each story, you can see them trying to include these things. I am also so impressed that they are attempting to use dialogue, attempting (sometimes successfully) to use paragraphs. For Paul he still needs a lot of support to construct his story and sort of 'get the words' into his head before he can write them down but that is part of his participation and contribution, that he shares his ideas with others and makes an orally planned story before getting to the writing part. Kian uses voice typing which is amazing and has grown his confidence so much!. As I said earlier, we still need to work on the editing part but that's okay. He is using digital affordances to help him manage himself and his own learning, so its a win from me. Ryan doing any writing at all is a huge win, because in order to do so he needs to be in a good place and be able to manage himself. In his writing you can see dialogue (used correctly when there are 2+ speakers) and even some language features. Very impressed with all three boys!